fucking hell

" compared to this person, you are not as smart as them."

"why would you take on all these tasks, you are just not as intelligent as him"

I say Fuck you, I am who I am, I don't need anyone to judge my abilities, the ultimate truth lies between me and Lord.  The person that I am today is just how He wants me to be and He has his own reasons.

I am a female, it doesn't makes any difference as a human being to do what others can do.  So what am I female? once again go Fuck yourself.  Does it mean that you can only be able to do stuff other wise?

I admit that I have my own flaws, my pride, my ego and can be over sensitive .. Don't ask me not to, it's just me. I can't change what I am because .... go ask Him.

Fountain of youth

They don't matter anymore, really, they might come back and haunt us whenever it wants, whether it is our hormonal down days or  waking up on the wrong side of the bed; truthfully, from the bottom of my heart, they do not really make any difference to any day at all.

Long gone are the days when we yearn of it, though through the process we had ushered our youth and precious time away.  The anger, anguish, burning desire, all of a sudden, swept away by the pang of reality, harshly hammering truth and real life into our fragile souls.  Momentum and impact so great, we were forced to evolve and compromise through time to embrace the realness.  As our capacities increasing gradually by the day, it seem to us that emotions are at our fingertips but there are those few days and circumstances that can tear us down and push ourselves to the corner as if facing bullies.  Our insecurities, deepest fears, stark naked to us at that dark moment.

Embrace your fears, they said, be strong to stand the storm of emotions and be victorious.  

Little Thoughts

Sunday, the best day of the week.  This is the day for people like me to gain spiritual food in order to get through a week worth of challenges.  Life is about ups and downs, if you do not believe me, read your diary :) it's proven in there.  

Just like a material being tested in a lab for its strength, we are constantly being tested in life.  We are being tested for our patience, strength of our faith and etc..  Many things will come our way and sometimes decisions are hard to make.  Deadlines, assignments, test.. and all the things we have to endure..

Do you feel like drowning sometimes?

I do, unfortunately, I am a human too.  It is known that we can always share with people and thus you naturally feel better(yes, its true).  However, it is not always that we are able to meet them and they might be busy with their own business too.  And, quite often, empathy is the thing, not many people will be able to put you in their shoes.  So, well, now you are alone.. When i do feel this way, I pray, at least I am able to feel better even though the problem is still there.

Do you ever think that someone who knows you inside out exists? Its like an engineer of a product who is very sure of its specification and its behaviour? 

For me, it exists.  The temple of the Lord lives in us.  There is always a sense of being around with that someone but you can sense Him working in different ways in your life.  You don't feel alone in this world.  As you will view the things that happen as some kind of test, blessing in disguise, etc..

You will become a positive thinker, without you yourself realising.  You are also able to accept the fact that He has something greater in store for you if something precious has been taken away or things don't go according to your way. This is because He thinks you deserve something far greater than the ones you are having now.  A picture speaks a thousand words.

Just like an engineer, He makes sure what He builds does not fail.  So, do not worry, you would not be able to bend until you break.  Well, sometimes I do pray that He did not forget to press the stop button in the testing machine. :D

Have a blessed Sunday.

May the presence of the Lord be with you.

Amen.

Regarding Zenny Satoshi Ai

Hi peeps, I am on blogging mode as I'm truly inspired by people around me. ^^ So, cheers!!

For some of you who are curious about Zenny Satoshi Ai, my internet alias, well, I am going to do dissect and analyse it with you.  It won't be long.

Zenny originated from Jenny, I had modified it to Z instead of J.  It was years back when I am told not to use my real name online.

Satoshi is my favourite singer,  I had only found out that his surname is Ohno, but what the heck Satoshi sounds better.=P I remember the time that I have randomly clicked on a Japanese Drama Online and he was in it.  I googled him and watched him dance.  Man, I was truly amazed. I am frequently called Satoshi among my friends, so yeah, you can call me that too. *Peace*

Lastly, Ai is my middle name :D

~Zenny Satoshi Ai.

Irene's Adventures in Nottingham

2 years came and went so quickly without me realising it.  I was a giddy young school leaver 2 years ago, with a childlike wide eye wonder.  Having a little experience in the structural consulting firm, I had decided that Civil Engineering is the answer.  And off I had left the comforts of my home in Ipoh for a small town called Semenyih.  Now, I'm a second year student majoring in Civil Engineering.

It has been a wild ride for the past 2 years, some major breakthroughs has happened and it adds up as my experiences in this journey called life.  At a raw age of 17 (before my birthday), I was sent away to Semenyih for my higher education, here in this place being called my Second Home.  Semenyih Lang, some will say.

However, it wasn't easy obtaining that status, in which several huddles had to be overcame, one of it being homesickness.  Woah, it was horrible, man! I found myself in a puddle of tears in the first week living here.  Then, slowly after having friends who are also in the same boat, we supported each other, and that is how we tahan til today.  Merrily, I had a group of lunch and dinner buddies with whom we get together every afternoon and night.  As it is known that nothing lasts for long, some of them had found their soulmates and we broke up.

I was alone again.

Not again.

At that time, clubs and societies was not something I would think of joining and I fully utilised my alone time in the library doing heaps and heaps of revision (as if there is a major test the next day, it was crazy).  It was not long until loneliness found me again.  My parents suggested that I join Christian Fellowship.  (Fyi, I am a Christian.)

  Well, maybe it wasn't too bad venturing out again and getting to know more people.  Joining club and balancing time for my studies.  I got to know more about Him and in return he gave me a FAMILY.  

It wasn't a bad thing he took away my friends from me and then I stumbled upon this society that gave me the chance to live out who am I once again.  And by his grace, He enlarges my circle of friends.  Praise the Lord.

Blessed be Your Name.

Signing off as

Irene

I Promise

Last autumn was when they met for the first time, polite verses were exchanged and both parted ways.  In spring, there they met again and had a whole good season spent.  However, time waits for no man, summer came and they never saw each other after that.

 

They found themselves standing opposite each other but there was only silence.  Words were not necessary to enable communication, they knew each other too well to know what to say.  They had completely understood each other, as if they share the same space mentally.  Eyes met, tears flowed freely, fountain like, quickly yet gentle.  Feelings suppressed inside projected out instantly, no shame, no control, their wish had been granted at last.

All sorrow that happened for the past few months did not matter anymore.  What's important right now is that how long can this last, the longer it better be.  Forevermore is the best.

Wait for me, he said, be of good joy and be patient.

Yes, I promise you, said the lady.

  

Back to the grind

Happy Malaysia Day! it's been a long while since i've posted. Holiday is over and it's back to school time. It's been 3 months. A long holiday, one says.  Typical british school system. A cousin of mine who is studying in UK is going back soon too. I don't really know when but i think its somewhere near the date when mine reopens.

Penang trip is fun for me.  Apart from staying near the sea and enjoying the sea view, I guess it's my first 'unplug' weekend for a long while. With no wifi in my hotel room, I can only either watch tv or communicate with my family.  Otherwise, everyone will  be doing their own electronics private sessions.

No wifi, Talk LAH campaign which i call it.

When i was booking the hotel room, I was hoping for a wifi- enabled room.  We gradually cancelled out other options and narrowed down this particular hotel with a more reasonable price and a better  view (facing the sea). I had to compromise.  Nothing is  better than waking up to a beautiful seaview and a chance to catch the view of sunrise in the horizon ; breakkfast provided in the morning is also not   something to be missed.  For RM250 per night, this hotel has a lot to offer.

We headed down to the beach for some photo-taking sessions and some 'baywatch'. To my disappointment, it wasn't as it seem in television shows.  Well, I guess the waves fascinated me more than those. 

For someone who doesn't get to see the sea  that often, I take it as a memorable trip.